My life changed so dramatically after I had my first child, Jacob, that I genuinely wasn’t sure I would ever go again.
In hindsight, I think I was a bit in shock, because I had ridiculously unrealistic expectations of what having a baby meant. I had read all the books and went to all the classes and appointments and everything – I knew that he was coming, like – but I stubbornly thought that it didn’t mean anything had to change. Or, more specifically, that I would have to change. I was still going to work at the same pace I had been, go out with my mates whenever I liked, go on holidays as normal…wasn’t I?
Well, what a kick up the backside I got when the baby arrived! I pig-headedly carried on for a bit, trying to live out my old life as if this huge life changing event hadn’t really happened. I loved him so much; I just didn’t love that I couldn’t function ‘normally’ anymore. Because of our head-in-the-sand attitude, we dropped the ball on putting any routine in place so Jacob’s sleep pattern was set to ‘disaster’, my partner and I were exhausted from trying to do way too much and were totally guilty of not just enjoying the moment. In some ways, I think we kind of rebelled against parenthood. We were in our thirties, we had 100% chosen to become parents, but we completely freaked out when the reality bit.
Eventually, I adjusted my work life around this little person and his needs, and the needs of our family in general, and stopped struggling to be the same person I was before Jacob arrived. That leap honestly took about two years, to really accept my new life title and responsibilities as ‘mum’. Which was just as well, as we discovered that we were expecting again…
Eva was born when Jacob was almost three, so I had a nice little gap between them. By the time she arrived last year, I had definitely become a real mammy. I have given up working late nights and mid-week drinking, I am happy to be available for bath times, bed time stories, lego building and leaves collections in the forest. That’s not to say that my life is entirely comprised of nappies and school runs and family breaks – of course I still get out with my mates, and work, and go on holidays without the kids…but now I finally have the right balance.
